Change of email address

Greetings,

I hope you are well. This is to inform you that I shall no longer be using this address for any correspondence as of Monday, 25th January, 2015.

Any further emails should be forwarded to my new address alexnaijuka@gmail.com.

I'm sorry for any inconveniences.

 

Kind Regards,

Alex Gilbert Naijuka-Njuneki

The Bible,Sunglasses and a Masai Shuka.

Hello people!!!

It's been five months. Five very very interesting months. I've grown,lost and gained. Got rid of excess baggage,gained new insight on a few things,survived an apocalypse (to be honest,I never thought it would happen. I don't trust the majority opinion.)

Nairobi's been goooood to me. I can't express my love for this city enough!! School's been a drag. It's actually one of my many excuses for ditching this blog for the time I was away. However,I am back,so clutch your gadget and read on.

I can't say it's been an awesome year. But I CAN say it's been a good year. Wasted 9 months of my life trying something that was doomed from the start,moved on,and now I'm back to where I should have been. And I'm the happiest I've been in a very long time.

Friends. I'm talking about all weather friends. The people who have your back like a good mattress. The ones who'll stand by you even with snot on your face (trust me,there ARE people who will). The people you'll insult but will laugh with you after they've given you a nice good one right in the kisser. Yes. Friends. I've got good ones. And I'm grateful for them. In fact,a few are the reason I've gotten back to this. I really lacked inspiration.

The people that aren't part of my life,I like to call weeds. They saved me the trouble of uprooting them. Some however,I had to on my own. It was difficult. The bloody things had such deep roots. I reclaimed my soil from those things like a boss though. It's good to be free from such things. Feels a lot like I took my socks off after a long hot day.

Truth be told,I'm lazy when it comes to some things. The harsh reality is,blogging is for the strong willed. It is a discipline. Perhaps I do need this.

Now,back to the actual thing here. That header. The Bible,Sunglasses and a Masai shuka. Those three things,have been the best possessions I've owned this year. I,like most sinners of my kind,turned to the bible as a last resort,after searching for answers other sources lacked. Yeah,judge me like it's the first book you turn to when faced with heartbreak. Bitch please!! You don't even look at a newspaper at that time!

Anyway,the Bible had some pretty cool answers to many of my life's dilemas. I've learned there's a difference between my needs and my wants. Sometimes,I confuse the two. In fact,it's many times. Other times,I don't want to accept that I may want something but not need it. I won't give examples. You don't know me like that.

As for the sunglasses,all they've done is earn me compliments. I look good in any of my pairs. Yeah,that's all. There's nothing that important about them. They add a bit of flair to the blog title,so don't think too much.

It's been such a cold year,this one. My Masai shuka has been my companion all through. I've sat on it,wrapped myself in it and even poured various foods and drinks on it,but still,it's been there. The stupid thing's lasted longer than I'd thought. It's clean now,so I can still use it in public. It's been with me as I watch my late night movies,attended blankets and wine,been my study partner and generally been a place I'd drool on as I nap on Sunday afternoons. Such a cool piece of cloth.

In general,all I'm saying is, you need to turn to God,be confident that what he's given you is sufficient and find that one thing that will always keep you afloat. 2012 had its lessons. 2013 will have its own too. Take notes.

Until next time,these are the thoughts in a script :-)

Sent from my BlackBerry®

When she investigates

Many of you have probably felt like asking me why I have a blog in the first place. Why I never write anything and why you bother to check it out. Yes? Well,suck it! It's mine. Die if you want to.

Salutations however :-)

I greet you in the name of random happiness. I am EMPLOYED!! It's probably the best thing that's happened to me since I grew a beard and started looking older (and manlier). However,the job is a bore. The boss is a male bitch or bitch nigger like many a people in Kampala refer to them. (Who comes up with such things though???)

Well,I've worked close to three weeks here. There's a two week hiatus I'm not counting,because those two weeks were THE best. I didn't have to work then. I regret it though. I need pay day to be soon.

Let me get to the point though. The job is boring,however the boss' personal life which comes with it is a BLAST!!! He's married,has a wife,three kids,his own law firm at such an early age. Generally,his life is THE PICTURE. But,(now this is the amazing part),he has a side chick/old flame/side dish/person of beneficial activities/first love/mpango wa kando/omuntu wa side. One of the perks of this job is keeping that a secret from his wife,who is catching on really fast,for as long as we're in his employment.

You know how eventful Mexican soaps are,yes? Well,my job is like one. Just the other day,his side person came to the office and they left for lunch. She's pregnant with his baby. Probably due in 5 or 4 months. But I don't care. The stomach can grow. The child is not part of this. Such an innocent soul. Anyway,they left. And like she'd been tipped,wifey came in like she occassionally does to ask us if he's cheating.

She doesn't really ask you straight out. It's more of a "So,how do you find work here? Is he treating you well? How nice.... So,uhmm,do people visit him? Maybe some friends? Good friends? No? Okay...and any female ones? Does he ever see any? Or maybe have talks with any? Okay... Well,if he does,you just tell me. I just need to be in the know sometimes. Especially since he's too tired to be asked when he comes home. Okay,bye."

You have no idea how HILLARIOUS it is. What does she imagine? I'll jeopardise myself and tell her? I want to keep my job. I want to keep going through this!!

You must be wondering where the boss is eh? Well,he's there. When he gets back,we inform him that she passed by. And that we did the usual. He nods and proceeds to whatever it is he does in that office.

Life is good,yes? The real ninja in all this is the old flame. She's just living THE life. Doesn't pay a bill. He does all that. And she's got an awesome job. I sigh at times.

I've got to go back to doing a lot of nothing. You'll read from me probably tomorrow.

Until next time,these are the thoughts in a script :-)

S e n t f r o m m y B l a c k B e r r y ® s m a r t p h o n e

Less in the end IS more

I greet you with much satisfaction.
For a start,today I'd like to thank all you faithful readers (and the new ones too). As I type on my BlackBerry and read the statistics for page views and all,I am filled with such joy. Joy and humility that you read my blog. You know,most blogs are about politics,gossip,fashion,technology and all that. This one is very pointless. I'm really grateful that you take the time to read my pointlesses. At least I know there are people out there who read things other than the serious ones. Thank you.
Now don't just stop there and go like "Aii,now what was that paragraph all about? What does he mean? What nonsense is that now?" I'm really really grateful to you for reading my blog. Thank you (again).
This evening,I was lucky to have class cancelled and thus free hours to do whatever I deemed fit. And you guessed right. Food was fit. So I gathered nine friends (they would've been ten,but one was indisposed and couldn't make it) and set a plan to have dinner. Well,it was supposed to be pizza but I'll get to that later.
We got to this chain fast food joint near our college called Pizza Inn where an old Arab/Somali man hit on me (shudder with me here) in front of my friends. His words were "Boss,I'm six feet tall. Can't I work? *wink*" Now,this man does not know that I am part Ugandan. I can go Ugandan on him. Weh!! Has he ever been slapped by someone that is not his mother?? Let him try me again. I was in a good mood today. Anyway,we got tables and after fifteen minutes of making up our minds on what pizza size,how much to spend and what topping we wanted,I find out that the offer for "Terrific Tuesday" ended. Such unseriousness!! HOW does it just end like that?? How?!??? Again,I say,these people do NOT know that I am part Ugandan. My body runs on meat and other liquids. I can slap them!!
It was too late to drive to town,so we all took the bus and inevitably made stupid jokes which I laughed at with much emphasis on the mean ones (I am not a nice person,but they still love me. Such friends!!). We got to town and as always I walked briskly ahead with my long meatless legs as they strolled behind. We got to another fast food chain and we thought of value for our money (In other words we would be hungry if we spent our money there.) Hello!! We are on that "student's budget" thing other people do. (It's funny how some grown,working,REAL money earners still work on a students' budget though? I don't get that!) Walking out was the next move.
Sad and hungry (as well as tired because this was an hour and a half after our initial departure) we went to some other restaurant we didn't know well enough. The prices were much lower and the food was considerably good. I got full. And I also learnt something as well; when making a restaurant menu you have got to think big. Think different. The menus we got had some of the rarest combinations. Chips-Burger. Githeri-Chips. (Githeri is a meal eaten in Kenya and parts of Northern Uganda where maize and beans are cooked together to form one dish. It's usually eaten as is and if not made well,can have adverse effects on one's flatulence levels.) The winner though remains "Chips-Greens". Like HOW am I going to have Sukuma Wiki with my French Fries?? HOW?!? Whoever wrote that menu needs taste buds,not just a tongue. Even vegeterians would want better. At least put something like "Chips-Carrots"!!
In the end,we ate to our fill,had a good time together and even though we didn't spend as much,we ate much more and that's what really matters. The food. Not the time we spent together. Less money and more food. Stomach's first people. If I don't eat,and I die,you won't see me. So let me eat. Talk to me later. When I'm satisfied and digesting. Not when I'm hungry and having stomach pangs. Be serious,now!
I need to go to bed. The sheets must be wondering where my hairy legs have disappeared to. I leave you with an extremely blurred photo of my friend being carried by another on the street. Enjoy!!
Until next time,these are the thoughts in a script :-)

Of Ovens and Shoes

Greetings!!
This sky needs to make up its mind. One moment I see clouds the next the sun is out and scorching. We need rain. And fast!! My mouth feels like I'm sucking on dry cotton balls because of the heat. (I know I'm weird,generally,but is THAT normal? The cotton ball thing. I don't get myself sometimes). I mean,people are beginning to smell more and more like chicken feed by the day. I don't think this heat understands the concept of "taking a break". It should look it up and do the needful. Eish!! Sunglasses can work for just a while.
Anyway,back to the weird things I experience on my own...aha! :D I asked my friends what I should blog about today and all but one proved to be useless. Why do I even bother with these humans though? And somehow I have crazy love for them. I really am a special one.
"Write about random stuff that's caught your eye" he said (well,he didn't say that exactly but something to that effect anyway.) I'd like to first of all clarify that I am weird. I watch sitcoms and laugh two hours later when I'm most likely eating or on the toilet seat. When it's raining outside and I have wet shoes,I'll pop them in the oven and let them dry. I don't like chocolate flavoured ice cream because I feel like chocolate is being mistreated by being turned into ice cream. I make smiley faces from the left over pizza crusts. And I hate that monotonous "From this moment" Shania Twain song that people play at their wedding receptions. I think it should be banned. Banned forever. People need to come up with new songs.
I still believe teachers are just created by God like angels and don't have parents unlike other human beings. And I don't like that purple telytubby because it has a manly voice and carries a red hand bag. It needs to be honest with us and tell us what exactly is going on. I just don't like it.
Which reminds me,is there anyone out there who has any other weird tendencies? I'd love it if you shared. We could form a support group. Gather around camp fires and sing "kumbaya". (Meanwhile,that is NOT a swahili song or word.) I hate camping. I find it un natural. If you want to go and explerience life in the wild,you don't need tents,marshmallows and rechargeable lanterns. You'll need a stick,a sweater and some rocks to hit birds with when you realise you're bored and should go back to civilisation. Camping is NOT natural. Leave those mzungu tendencies to those people.
These are just a few of the weird things that form my anatomy. Along the way,you may think of others and insert them between the commas created in your mind. Feel free to make more space for those thoughts. They are helpful.
Haaya! (Kenya has some influence on some of my expressions,such as the one I've just typed) Another hour,another activity. You'll hear from me again soon.
Until next time,these are the thoughts in a script :-)

Sent from my BlackBerry®

Streets,Alleys and Lanes

Salutations Salutations!!! :-)
It's been quite a while since my last post. I'd feign lack of time,writers' block,lots of work and all those things people usually say but to be honest,it's just been laziness. Yes. Laziness. Pure and simple.
Now,you'll have to forgive me. My lazy streak has been at it for a while now. One day of not blogging turned into a week,a month and now this. But fear not. This is my return.
Before I go far,you must be wondering what went on during the past days I've been gone. I'll rest your curiosity. It has been A LOT. Exams,My nine day Kampala trip,my birthday (yes,the calendar dictated that I turned a little older),theft on the streets and many other things (mostly happy). But those are stories for the following days...today we shall dwell on what happened a few hours ago.
Since this semester begun,we have had a compulsory course unit on HIV/AIDS. It's Law related of course,so quell your questions on why we even study it. Not to mention it's a world wide problem,so we all have to know about it. It's actually turning out to be worth the early morning awakenings I go through once a week. Today was extra fun since we had a guest speaker whose accent conjured up some memories of a TV show (Mind Your Language) I used to watch. She was African but had a surprisingly thick Chinese accent when she spoke English. It brought quite a few laughs when her pronunciation tended to have a negative curve if put in the graph context. To this day,I've never laughed so hard at anything so early in the day.
Class was as brief as possible and a bunch of my friends and I decided to head to town for lunch. Now,the previous Saturday, they'd gone to some nice restaurant and I was unable to go with due to important commitments. This Saturday,I was definitely a part of the mix.
Now,most East Africans know Nairobi to be a busy city. Bustling with the most activity,boasting the best infrastructure and general "city feel" in East Africa. Nairobi is also known for its crime. In Uganda and Rwanda,we nicknamed it "Nai-robbery". Today,this nickname felt more like reality than a joke.
Very near the restaurant,located on a lane between a mall and another big building,my friends and I were almost robbed in broad daylight. Yes. Borad daylight. These thieves have no shame,I tell you! Though I must hand it to them,they have some good brains.
My three friends and I were walking on the Lane in pairs of two towards the restaurant when suddenly one approached us seemingly begging for money. As always,we walked on without a slightest clue as to his actual plan. Shortly after we noticed there were three others,each adjacent to us,making us eight in total. It was at this point that one of them said in Swahili "Mbona hamtaki ku co-operate?" (Why is it that you don't want to co-operate?) Not THAT'S when my instincts came running back to my system.
One thing my mother has emphasised time and again is,"Alex,if there are ever thieves attacking you,RUN. Do not think of your reputation. Run and scream at the top of your voice!!" Mummy's words rung clear in my head at that moment. Luckily one of my friends was thinking the exact same thing.
In less than a second we were both running to the street and not looking back...we did not scream though. Come to think of it,we must have been quite a sight. Two skinny young men with long legs running peculiarly fast on a the street with no obvious sign of alarm.
When we took off,the robbers dispersed to a nearby alley and my friends walked over to where we were,unharmed. I sincerely do not understand HOW they did not even break a sweat. I don't think some people value their lives...and their phones and wallets.
Of course they laughed at us for running but hey! I'd rather run and live than stand and lose my BlackBerry. NO!! I need my BB. Let's be clear on that one.
Anyway,we went back to the lane (yes,we were brave enough to) on the basis of "lightning doesn't strike the same place twice" and had lunch at the restaurant. That food was ENOUGH.
For an African like myself to say food was enough,means a lot. A lot. A lot.
I'll leave you with part of my meal (I failed to clear my plate.)
Until next time,these are the thoughts in a script :-)

Delays...but with good reason!

Before you ask why I didn't blog yesterday and begin to hurl insults and throw shoes (I'm still in awe at the guy that threw shoes at Bush. He practiced in real life the actions of my dreams!! I mean,not just A shoe. But SHOES. That guy was a ninja. Forget Chuck Norris. That shoe guy can walk on glass.),I'd like to point out that I was blessed yesterday... Yes people,Alex is now an uncle!!!!

I see you smiling. I'm smiling with you as well. Let's all smile and act like we're on a toothpaste ad. Yessssss....that's right. That's the spirit!

I have to tell you how this child came though. I just have to.

So,Friday night,I get back home. Bearing gifts of chocolate for my ever craving sister of course. I'm super tired and hungry. I eat and get ready for bed,only to be yanked mid way through my exit of the living room by an almost delirious 9 month old sister. "Alex,you have to help me. My stomach HURTS!" She said these words as she gripped my already tiny biceps (yes. I have biceps. They're just not visible to the naked eye. Don't judge me).

Thus,my 5 hour ordeal begun. Back rubbing,stomach massages,hand holding. That night was just too much. I know you're all wondering where the father of the child was? And WHY she's at out place and not her own?

Well,he was away. He's a soccer player so at times,duty calls. And being a coward like myself,she could not stay in their house alone. Not to mention,it really wasn't a good idea to stay alone either way.

Now back to the night story. So I do all these things,internally suffering with kilograms of sleep in my eyes and aching fingers. Not to mention,my ever increasing irritability. Do you know what it's like to be told "Alex,use those useless hands of yours for the first time and rub." "My back HURTS,bring that big head of yours this side and think of a solution" "Alex you idiot,rub gently,this stomack is not a ball of ice." "Why were you men even born? To just have babies with us and disappear? Useless sperm. Now RUB!"

My knuckles and all my limbs hurt. Not to mention,she couldn't sit still. The moves she had that night compete with Jagger. That girl needed to be recorded. Those stunts can be good for weight loss. A daily routine of that exercise and you'll be good to go (Take notes not-so-small people. I still love you though!).

The sigh of relief when 6am dawned upon us and I could go to bed as my grandmother took over and they went to hospital.

After calling my Mum and telling her what was going on,I slept like my life depended on it. Well,it does depend partially on sleeps,but you know what I mean.

When I woke up,the day continued as always. Had a hair cut and proceeded to return home when I was called and told she had already given birth. This was at 2.40pm.

The euphoria I had,I've never EVER experienced. Seeing that baby for the first time was beautiful. It made me feel so cool. Like this new life has been brought and I'm meant to influence it to live positively.

Life is short,people. Really short. Tiny hands can tell you that. Remember when you were little? How small you were? And now?!! Seems just like yesterday.

And I've vowed to make sure this girl grows up knowing the good things in life. Like the type of weave to have,to make sure when she wears leggings,her bum must be covered unless she intends on getting some,and of course... the mirror is a LIAR!! (Don't look at me that way. You know there's that one day you looked at yourself in the mirror and thought your reflection looked hot. Only to walk out and later realise that Amy Winehouse R.I.P was your competition. Yes. Your life that day sucked. Big time!!)

I leave you this evening with a few words of encouragement. Life is livable. You just have to know how to live it right.

Until next time,these are the thoughts in a script :-)
Sent from my BlackBerry®